Friendship loss brings pain as intense as family grief- study
Grief is a natural and complex process that can arise in a variety of situations involving loss. Although it is usually associated with the death of someone close, grief can also be triggered by the end of a relationship or friendship, leading to a profound emotional impact. Psychologist Juliana Vendruscolo, from the School of Philosophy, Sciences and Letters of Ribeirão Preto (FFCLRP) at USP and coordinator of the Grief Clinic at the University of Ribeirão Preto (Unaerp), points out that grief over the loss of a friendship is still a largely neglected issue, as the importance of this type of bond is often underestimated. “We have difficulty understanding friendship as a bond of love or as a romantic relationship. If I consider grief as the breaking of an emotional bond, I would naturally include friendships as well,” she points out.
A study conducted by the universities of Aalto in Finland and Oxford in England, published in the journal Royal Society Open Science , revealed that friendship circles tend to shrink after the age of 25. For Juliana, there is no single explanation for this change; it depends on the stage of life that each person is going through. “Our existence is constructed daily, but it is always influenced by historical and cultural factors. We are men and women of this time, and the value we give to friendship in adulthood changes, often in favor of family ties, such as children, partners or family of origin,” reflects the psychologist.
Grief and sadness
According to Juliana, signs that someone is grieving a breakup include feelings of grief and sadness. “The way each person deals with this varies: some are able to name and express what they feel, while others, faced with this sadness, may become frightened and distance themselves from these feelings.”
To cope with the grief of losing a friend, it is essential to recognize the affection you had for that person and allow the pain of this process to manifest itself. “It is important that these emotions gradually become part of your daily life, mixing with other joys and following the flow of life,” advises Juliana.
She also highlights the importance of connecting with our feelings and understanding that many of the bonds we establish may come to an end. “Throughout our lives, we go through different processes of mourning. I like the idea that it is not the mourning that diminishes, but rather the life that grows around it. We need to validate the importance of love in any context — whether it is for a friend, pet, man, woman or family member — and, in doing so, we also validate the pain of breaking these bonds.”